


Random Reason to Stay Alive

by sunflotwone



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Major Character Injury, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:09:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25839361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflotwone/pseuds/sunflotwone
Summary: You are random and you will always be.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Kudos: 18





	Random Reason to Stay Alive

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE DO NOT IMITATE WHAT'S IN THIS. It is fiction and your life matter so if you feel like one of this character please talk to someone or professional help.
> 
> Sorry for grammatical error dan if you found any grammatical error please let me know.
> 
> Happy reading!

As the day passes vainly by, Oikawa Tooru, each day wake up to just feel agony in his life. Every step he walks to the gymnasium and every heavy breath that he exhales, those just make his life even worse. Days turn out dark when his knee injury get worse and he was sentenced not to be able to play volleyball anymore. He feels lost to himself when he sees volleyball in the corner of his room.

 _“Tooru, please by my setter.”_ That’s the phrase that sounds more painful right now.

Why does Ushijima’s voice appear when he is on the lowest point of his life?

Oikawa walks himself to a park around his apartment. He sits on the park bench, sees kids running here and there. A little smile upon on his face, amidst his painful life, at least he can feel calm when the snow touches the ground.

Life was better back then and unfortunately, he can’t turn back time. But what’s the point of turn back time when he can’t preventive his knee injury?

Ah, now his life is just full of regret and suffering.

“Tooru, what are you doing here?” a sudden voice heard through his ear. He turns around and Ushijima is standing there.

“I am the one who should ask you, what are you doing here?”

“Seeing a pity person watching snowfalls.”

Oikawa muttered, “what the heck.”

Ushijima laughs and it’s melted Tooru’s heart for a second. Why must he laugh in that way? Why does his laugh sound so beautiful? That doesn’t fair when Ushijima has everything he wants to-victory, popularity, stamina, good health-and now he also has a beautiful voice? Mr. Perfect. Ushijima.

“How’s life?”

“Unfair.”

“Life is unfair and we can still relish it.”

“I can’t.”

Ushijima breaths heavily. He takes a seat beside Tooru.

“What?” Tooru says.

“Tooru, do you know I love you?” Tooru gasp, he cannot process what he just heard. “Sorry, what?”

“I don’t know exactly when I am starting to love you, but this feel grows up and I can’t help but tell you this. I love you, Tooru. I always do and you can’t say otherwise. What I am trying to say is, I know that you are in the state where you feel heartbroken, where you think life is meaningless.” Ushijima places his hand on Tooru’s hand. “I know I am not the right person to say this, but you are one of my reason to stay alive. So, please find yours, it can be anything. It can be a random thing.”

Tooru stays quite until Ushijima holds his hand and surprisingly Tooru doesn’t refuse it. Probably he is too tired to respond, tired mentally, and physically. “You are a random thing, Tooru. And you happen to be my favorite random thing.”

* * *

He stands in front of the cemetery. Tears flow from his eyelids, shiver runs down from his body. _It should be me who is buried down there. But why it has to be you?_

Ushijima is gone without a single goodbye or random things left said. Tooru, already found his reason to stay alive and now the reason is gone to a place that far away. He cannot reach Ushijima, but hopefully, Ushijima can reach him either through the wind blow or raindrop fall or river flow or just through the sound of a wall clock.

_“Thank you for loving me. I really appreciate that and thank you for coming by. But you have to know one thing: don’t make me as your reason to live. I am not that good enough and I don’t think I am deserved to be love. Live because you want to live, Ushi. Fight for your own, not me. Because when I am gone, you’re too.”_

That’s what Tooru said to Ushijima at the park back then. Never know that it would backfire to him.

Tooru laughs to himself. “Ushijima Wakatoshi, you are my random thing. Don’t worry about me, I am fine, probably…. To be honest, no, I am not. How can I? I miss you, Wakatoshi and you can’t say otherwise. If you meet me there in the near future. Please, don’t be mad at me, I have no willingness to alive, Wakatoshi. You are not alive, I am too.”


End file.
